Saturday, July 25, 2009

Time & Tide

The three bears as usual went out for tea/carnival/toddy whatever it was. But when they came back....
Papa bear: Nope, (no luck!) the porridge is intact.
Mama bear: Nope, chairs all set (goodbye new set of furniture!)
Sonny bear: Screw that! Look who crashed into the Dphat’s blog!!!

BLOG ATTACK!!!!
(DPhat is subdued with chloroform and securely bound up and gagged..)

Ahem. Ahem. I have no idea how to do this, but hey, that’s me. You, you you and you...helooo there, we have met at my own sweet blog...I know you are glad to find me here...ofcourse, you my precious, you are following me (hi-five!!)
And the rest of you- meh!
People- consider yourself lucky you all lived to see this day.
Why? You may wonder.
6+5+3+4+7+6+11+8.
That says it all my friends. Can you comprehend that??(Hey, you there, you have only ten toes and ten fingers, stop counting!) These magic numbers add up to...
(...anticipation...)
(...silence...)
(...breathtaking silence...)
(...stillness...)

.....50!

Ok. I was expecting a cheer there. Meh.
It so happens dear friends, that this post, this which I am writing is the 50th post in the blog. This blog. Commendable, while I am still struggling with my 23rd...or was it the 22nd? I get to write the 50th post...in some blog. Yay???
A shot was heard all around the world.
We have seen and loved the ‘phlip’side...
We became acquainted with his wanderlust, and got a glimpse of his first night.
He took us on rides, to places we will NEVER set our feet in (ok some of us)...
We enjoyed the “public” “display” of “affections” ESPECIALLY the comment space. (Check that out if you have missed it. Forget the rest of the links!)
We witnessed the holy (s)crap!!
I was promised the first bottle of the perfume...
("What? So was I!!!!"
"He told me he would give ME that!"
"No!! he said the first bottle of perfume was for me!!!!"
"Where have I heard that before??")

Ahem, ladies, don’t fight. (Damn! you DO have this effect on women don’t you?)
So the yappings do seem eternal. The infernal mind is churning out posts. Before we know it, he will hit the 100's...1000's...
or you all will stop reading this blog after this Post-of-All-Posts!
Ehehe....ahem.
Like my dear friend Jackie Chan queries...”Who am I?”
I may not be an infernal mind, but I am proud to be what I am.
Huh?!
I am the Damsel, er..well, in distress.
Damsel Who?!
She is the first person(with a decent profile pic!) to join the now yard-long list of followers.
She taught him to bloghop.(Bah!)
She ordered him to reply to comments.(Meh!)
She was the first to read all his posts and yet survive.(the torture...)
Trust me, when I came here, this (waves around) was just...NOTHING.
NO shoutmix,NO widgets,and thankfully NO music too.
I am..(sniff!) quite proud that he came all this way (read-shocked that my advice actually,actually helped someone!)
So..
You I rock...bla bla bla...
you are the man I am the Woman...bla blaa..
..some more bla bla...keep writing bla la bla.
There.
My job here is done.
That perfume is MINE!
Whew!

Er..see ya? Just follow the link. The link! Aargh!

Caution. This is a guest post. I repeat,this is a guest post. The author may blame the cold/flu/birds/alcohol/perfume/attacks/jogs/bars/stars or may plead insanity. But he himself clicked the 'publish' button.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Paternal Blues


Phone conversation between Father(Acha) and Son.Translated from Malayalam to English for the kind reader's sake.

On completing my Engineering degree,Father remarked,"Congrats son! Now i can finally retire! I will keep a bag under my arm, sip Rum and watch the monsoon rains."
Son: "Acha, what's the bag for?"
Dad: "My son is an ENGINEER. The bag is for keeping the Dowry amount when you marry!"
Son:"Why acha? I don't have even have a girlfriend.(sigh)"
Father:"What?? Why don't you have one? Are you my son?? Idiot"
Son:"Um..sorry acha?"
Father:"You Bloody good-for-nothing son of a bitch,spend some money and take some beautiful girls out on your bike and for some fine dining."
Son:"Acha, no one beautiful in Chennai"
Father:"Stupid Idiot, who said so? Go find some beautiful Brahmin girls!!"
Son:"Ok acha"
Father:"Miserly stupid idiot!You inherited this from your Mother's side"

Whack!
some disturbance on the other end of the line...
Mother:"nice lessons to teach your son..nuisance!!give me that phone!"
Whack!
(Speaker phone activated)

Mother:"My dear son,I have so much trouble with your Father."
Father:"You stupid woman.Why are you beating me??You spoiled my son.Bloody miser"
Son:"Yes amma.How many has he had?"
Mother:"He drank 4 glasses of Tequila.Such a nuisance!"
Father:"Why doesn't he have a girlfriend?! Da, don't you like girls?"
Son:"Acha!!!I like girls only!!!"
Father:You are not my son!"
Mother:"Uff!!This man is such a nuisance.You stupid idiot offspring of mine, don't waste your money and time on girls. Sit and Study."
Son:"Yes Mama"
Father:"Eda if you have a little bit of my genes you should have a girlfriend.Aiiyoo! The bag i kept for your dowry is useless!
You useless son of a bitch!"
Mother:"Son, bye. Listen to your mother.
Son:"Yes Mama.Bye."
(A Drunken Father wailing in the background:"Aiiyyyyoo!")
(click!)

A dejected Father sold the bag the very next day. He is now waiting for my medical student brother to become a Gynaecologist.He will then retire to become a peon in bro's clinic to ensure that his retirement days are spent in the company of women.